February 20th My Grandpa Dahm was killed in a car accident. I woke up to a early phone call from my mom. It was around 6 a.m. and was not very pleasant when answering the phone. If you know me, you know I am not a morning person. I should have known it would be a serious phone call for her to be calling me as early as she did, but my tired state of mind had no control. I heard my mom on the other line quickly tell me that my grandpa had died. I don't think it registered right away. How could my grandpa be dead? He was only 66 years old, I hadn't heard of him being severely sick or anything. Was my mom being serious, I thought? Her crying on the other end assured me this wasn't a joke. My mom, the baby of the family, had lost her Daddy. As hard as losing my grandpa was, it did not compare to the heartache I felt for her. I cannot imagine the pain of losing my dad, and being with her on this day was conformation that it's one of the hardest things a person will have to go through. After the phone conversation I headed immediately to be by her side. I'll never forget how horrible this day was.
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It didn't take me long to know I was wrong to be thinking these things. I knew I needed to be forgiving, more for the sake of my healing process than his. Carrying the burden of worrying about his life, and his consequences was only going to make me feel more weighed down and upset. But how can you forgive someone who has done something so awful, unintentionally or not? I knew it was not my place to judge this man.
I remember reading a story once of a man who lost his entire family by a drunk driver. After years and years of hatred built up, this man decided that it was only hurting him. His hatred for the man who killed his family was making no difference in the drivers life. The man went to go see the driver that killed his family and told him that he had forgiven him. His life was better because he was not carrying around so much hatred. Because he forgave the man, his healing process could finally continue.
As hard as it would be, I knew that's what I needed to do. Whether my grandpa's killer's consequences on earth are what I felt appropriate or not, I know that when the time comes, he will be judged exactly how he should be. I should not worry about it here. I decided that I would remember the few memories I have of my grandpa. I would continue to live my life, hatred free. I am still struggling with forgiving this man completely, but one day I know that I will, and I will feel comforted. I hope that day comes soon. I hope for the sake of my families shoulders, the burden can be lifted off of them as well, although I know it will take longer. Especially for his wife and daughter. I feel so sick to my stomach every time I think of how they must be feeling. It's the hardest part for me. I hate to see my mom so sad, and nothing I do or say will make her feel better.
It's hard that I didn't get to know him better. Ever since I was little my Grandpa Dahm lived far away. Spending time with him in person was rare, but I remember always enjoying the time we did have together. He never missed a birthday or a holiday. I always received my card in the mail on time. I'll never forget his handwriting, although that seams a little silly, it was a part of him and I'm sad that I will never get to see it again. Calling him to thank him for the cards was always something Mom told me to do.Even though I spent majority of my time either talking or texting on the phone growing up, for some reason it always was harder than it should have been to just call and say hello, and thank you for the money that was in every card. I regret that. I regret that I acted like my mom was so irritating for asking me to thank someone for a gift. Saying that, I ALWAYS enjoyed my conversations with my grandpa. He made me feel so important, like what ever I was doing at the time was exactly what I needed to be doing. He always made me feel like he was so proud of the woman I had become. His compliments were sincere and I loved hearing them. He was a good good man, and an amazing grandpa even from a distance. I'm glad that I have such fond memories of him.
He was taken too soon. I know Heavenly Father has a plan, and I have full faith that he knows what He is doing. I know he is in a better place. That's the only thing that keeps me from getting too upset. I know where he is, he is happy.
I love you Grandpa Dahm. You will forever be missed. Watch over us!
God be with you till we meet again;
When life's perils thick confound you,
Put His arms unfailing round you.
God be with you till we meet again.
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